if you want my heart

it was as it had to be, the spring of 1993 in Cortina D'Ampezzo. hot nights and sleepless days, bathing by the Lake as the sun passed gently over the mountains, cool mornings in the Chalet, her bare feet on the floorboards by the fire. carrying her from the bathtub to the bedroom, the way her skin felt pressed against mine, the way her arms wrapped around my neck and she kissed my shoulder.

the handsome young knight with his books and his words, the princess with her eyes, her sparkle, her charm. the way my hands would shake in her presence, the way my words flowed so delicately on paper yet failed me when I needed them most. the way I walked the streets for hours as the summer rain hammered down around me.

the way I searched for you everywhere since you left and the way you never found me doing the same thing. the way you left me empty and the way I told you I loved you, because I thought you should know, because I wanted you to know.

how you lifted your hair above your neck when you began to sweat, when the lights flashed and we danced with each other from other sides of the room. the way your eyes wandered to find me, the way we went from everything to nothing, and the way that I didn't know you anymore.

the way that you had waited years to be held in the way that only I could. because it was you, because it was me. the way that your embrace said I miss you and I'm sorry, and the way that mine said it's not your fault. the way that your body pleaded with me to understand and mine screamed to be heard, to be loved.

the way that you had always been stuck in my mind, in my heart. the way that you felt like home to me, and the way that you could never let me go.

it was this that consumed me in the days that were silent and the nights that were slow. in the evenings when the lights faded and the music stopped and we danced with tears in our eyes. it would be this that would stay, and it would be you who would go?